Within something

It may sound cliche but the truth always does set you free.

Few days ago, I managed to write the poem of all poems. It was raw, if it were a body it would have blood pulsing through its lines. It was sincere, exactly how my mind is talking and how my heart is feeling. It was kind, as gentle as a baby’s hand grabbing on to a thumb. I’m so pleased with what I’ve done, truth be told. It’s not perfect, I’m sure, but #FuckPerfect.

What’s also interesting is the selfishness I feel towards this little piece of poetry. It’s a meadow I wanna spin around on by myself, until my only invite gets to enjoy it with me (considering she’d like it or something).

Lately, I’ve been living pretty free and truthful to my heart’s desire. Give or take, someone will have a comment here and there. It’s okay. I’m just letting myself have my happiness because I choose it; and just the same, whatever the risks are, they’re okay too. Like I said in my previous blog. I’m not scared.

Well I am, but not enough scared to not let myself get my best chances (or make the mistakes I was made to make).

So indulge me. I’d like to be extra honest. Let my thoughts virtually flow because it’s so much easier to chase things this way. My hands are slow. The ideas run too far too soon.

I’m really happy right now. I won’t deny, it’s a because of her type of happy, sure. Some people say that’s not the best kind. Maybe. But if I were too look deep, I’m so happy because I’m allowed. Before, I always just say that I’m all about choosing happiness. That happiness is the journey, not the destination, et al. But in my right nows, I can honestly say I’m just happy. I’m happy because I’m choosing it. I’m happy because I’m walking its road. I’m happy because I’m not feeling a hint of guilt. I want this, I deserve it. I’m not denying myself of this bliss. I’m happy, I’m allowed.

I’ve been praying. I won’t go as far as items 1 and 2 may be correlated; but that’s just it. I’ve been praying lately. See, among the few things that you can be certain about me is that I’m not a religious person. I grew up surrounded by so much religion in school and so little or confusing religion at home, so I guess that religious bone was premature until it eventually died. But I’m very spiritual. I believe that there’s a greater force beyond humanity. I believe that there’s life in every form. I believe in the forces that tie events, fate, and faith together.

I’m a very spiritual person, my only wish is to die having lived with as much happiness, love, and kindness that I can enjoy and share with people who either deserves or needs it. Well anyway, it’s been nice. Sometimes I cry. For certain prayers, I find myself in tears. Sometimes I also listen to my free fall. It’s funny how much I ask for; but just the same, wow. Despite my shortcomings and my life’s flaws, I’m so blessed. I have so much to be thankful for.

Last but not the least, I want to say how much it feels great to be a part of something special. When you know what you know, there’s no other truth that can change the way you feel. Trust it.

About You Now by Meadowlark


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