Out of the Country

Last day in Singapore today. Typing on my phone, so excuse the lack of formatting or any typos that may arise. I just want to express myself in the moment.

I had such an interesting SGpush, as I tagged it on social media. I’m struggling to find a better term to describe this trip aside from interesting. It was unexpected, maybe even cursed at some level, but pretty interesting.

There was a lot of shopping involved, but all those were temporary highs.

What I do remember, and have found myself playing back over and over again, was dancing on my own. It was my first time to be at a music festival alone; more so alone in a different country. But wow. I think those dancing alone moments were golden. I forgot about the mud. I forgot about smelling like shit. I forgot about the humidity. Heck, I probably even forgot there were other people in the park. It was just me and the music (well, the band).

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It felt so good. I’ve never felt that good for so long. It was also a new-type of good. I didn’t think I was capable of enjoying this type of new type of good.

Let’s take a step back and recall the events that led to me being in Singapore.

I was on Tinder.
I matched with D.
I had the best conversation with D.
D asked me to book Neon Lights after receiving my Spotify playlist, which coincidentally was probably a test I apparently did a great job on.
I said I couldn’t. I just moved out, down with cash.
Three days after, I booked everything. Probably, I was THAT interested to know more about this person. See, it is very easy to catch my attention. I’m like Deedee. But to keep that attention on you, that takes a lot of ‘interesting’.

Correct. It started because she was interesting to me and I was more than game to let myself be interested.

Then the winds of change. To be honest, I don’t know from where the changes came from. Most likely, a combination of me being intense and her being interested with someone else.

M told me, dating someone doesn’t happen overnight. I agree.

So I was stuck with a trip I didn’t even want to take in the first place. I was also stuck with a solo ticket to Neon Lights which meant two things I feared quite a-hefty: a lot of people and humidity.

But I went anyway. I was so scared. The whole trip was outside my comfort zone. Then throw in the part where my ego was pretty bruised… suffice it to say my fears were written in neon lights as well.

Fast forward to the event, I found myself having the best time of my life. That whole feeling of I don’t need anyone to enjoy myself, to enjoy life, it vibrated from every cell.

I think I spent at least a good solid hour dancing on my own. It was divine to just let go.

There were some songs that scratched on my bruised ego, and I sang along with the band with all honesty. Some enlightened moments, I would have my eyes closed and just sway along. It’s nice to have hallowed bones sometimes. It makes easier flying.

After Neon Lights, D asked where I was. I was home already. My initial reaction was, “Nice. May awareness naman pala hindi yung completely kinalimutan ako.”

Likewise, after Neon, I had planned a meetup with another girl I got to know from Tinder. (Haha my Tinder adventures)

That meet up was a different level of interesting.

My close friends know what happened. For the sake of brevity, let me just summarize it to this.

I had no idea I was the type who twirls.

In all my imaginings–mind you, there were a lot especially back when D and I were talking–how SGpush turned out was entirely different. I had the most unexpected, random, and lost (life) side trip in Singapore.

How amazing to find out how far I can go just to try.

I feel proud of the mistakes I’ve made. I feel so learned. Sure, there’s bitterness lurking, waiting to pounce on the right opportunity; but overall… I feel so surprised–in a good way.

I thought removing D from the #SGpush picture would leave me with the worst weekend holiday. I didn’t.

Sure, it started because I was interested to know if I do-do like this girl I felt (so) interested with, and sure it ended up with a completely different turnout… but wow.

Right now, everytime I close my eyes, I feel my hips, how they moved in secret ways.

Since then, when I walk, I feel my feet want to make a quick turn, just one small quick turn, just because I am that type of girl, I learned.

Always,
K

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