The past few days were a rollercoaster–just the way I sometimes like it.
For the first time in my life, I actually celebrated my birthday. Those who know me-know me, knows just how much I dread my birthday. I fear the pressure. I’m scared I wouldn’t do the day I was born proper justice. But I think for this year, I did. I think I did celebrating my life really good.
I think for somebody who qualifies as an unstoppable force, I don’t direct enough effort towards valuing myself. Just to clarify, I don’t devaluate myself, especially not intentionally. It’s just that sometimes, I put other people first then just get lost in the rhythm. I forget myself. Showering other people the most attention, affection, and service I can the best way I know how is a slippery slope of inevitably forgetting to give myself the same intensity.
If there’s anything I know about who I am, it’s that I’m intense. I’m a loud woman who is almost always jolly at any given point of time. When I’m mad, the world can feel it. When I’m lonely, sometimes the sky cries with me.
Few days ago, I got into a conversation with one of my friends. It’s about the concept of being too much. I’m pretty sure you’ve asked yourself the same question: “Am I being too much?” It’s a difficult question to consider, really.
In my case, whenever I ask myself that, to be honest, it’s always a yes. That’s because I’m a passionate person who knows no other notch than my all. This is also why I would joke I can’t gamble. I always go all in; often without really thinking things through. I go with my gut. If it feels good, if the decision rolls down my tongue sweet like honey, I couldn’t care less if it’s a lot.
Also, what I want to do, if I can do it, I would do it. If I can do it a lot, I would.
Truth be told, I’m really finding a hard time seeing the wrong in that. What would I get from holding back? If in the beginning, when I’m just getting started, I already scare someone off… what chance does that person have at standing still with me? My love, what I have to offer, can only grow. I’m not an unstoppable force for nothing.
Song for this feeling: Stars by Marie Hines